So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
