Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
