There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize