sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
