A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
