WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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