I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
