he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
soo... how was my night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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