but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
