I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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