put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
