Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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