My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize