Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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