I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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