sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
