Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
