i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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