Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
