If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
