so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
