I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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