you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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