I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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