so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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