Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
