i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
