TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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