I didn't shave. On purpose
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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