I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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