I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The air taste purple.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
