Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize