How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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