The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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