I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize