I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
