They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
