We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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