forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
