...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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