Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
