He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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