I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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