well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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