Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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