About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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