Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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