Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
