So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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