U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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