I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize