At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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