I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
