I didn't shave. On purpose
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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