for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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