just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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