You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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