Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
