we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
