are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
