Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My bed smells like the plague
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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