Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
