so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
