I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
