Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My pussy is not your playground.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
