last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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