Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize