Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
